What day is it? I am loosing track of things here fast. Today another cavalcade of activity and miles of walking. My ear is still plugged but the pain and swelling are over. Now just some ringing and hearing impairment. No other ailments to complain about yet. We pulled quite a bit of stuff out of my ear though, and it was pretty gruesome at some points. We have a theory that I may have had some sort of insect trapped in there as remnants of one, or that which resembled such was revealed earlier today. We will not be providing photos at this time. That is clearly enough on the ear saga.
Lots of temples, hundreds of Japanese schoolgirls and kids, loads of tourists, many strong bright green teas, dinner with monks, ice cream with cookies, pornographic manga books, pottery museum, McDonalds, and bamboo forests.
All this, and me, acting like a whining, snivelling, prat. Me being a complete petulant asshole. Do you ever get those days when you just can’t stop yourself from being a Grade A tool no matter what you try? No, I didn’t think so, it just happens to me.
Maybe it was my ear issue. Maybe the lovely hot weather, the crowds, the schoolgirls, the endless hills and stairs after the mega-gut-busting grease-gun breakfast at McDonalds, maybe the fact that I brought too much camera gear, forgot my hat, felt fat and out of shape, thought I looked ugly, was over-tired, or just felt old, and forgotten about. Maybe it was all of these things at once, or none of them at all – but, one thing for sure, for a few hours today, I had one serious bug up my ass (not my ear).
I feel bad about it now, after the fact. Hind-sight sucks sometimes. Daniela had to bear the brunt of it all as there was no one else there to grind on. Luckily she pushed on, over compensated for me, and made the most of it.
Luckily it didn’t last forever, and it faded in and out of intensity. But at one point, on the top of a hill, in the searing sunlight, tangled in screaming school-children snaking around us in lines like giant pythons, with the dinging bells and car horns, while stumbling upon jagged rocky stairwells, my belt too tight, my ear too plugged, my bladder too full, and my ass too itchy; I wanted my head to just spontaneously explode into oblivion and cause me to fade instantly out of existence. If life had a light switch, a power button, a volume control or a plug I was reaching for them all.
Instead life just continued and the insanity around me ensued. I inhaled, exhaled, let my 75% capacity heart fuddle through its task, let may ass itch, and my ear leak oil onto my neck and mix with hot wet sweat.
I let everything go, except rage. I began to rage at an intensity so high that I thought I might actually internally combust. I snarled and seethed until I transformed into a twisted old crooked man with a squinty eye and drippy lip. I growled and spit. I hissed and I lunged, staggered and swayed drunk with anger and seething with wrath. And then what happened? Nothing. Everything just kept on going. Everything stayed just as it was. The only thing that had changed, was me. I had magically and artfully transformed into a royal dick.
If I recall correctly I said something to Daniela about me having had enough of all this and that we needed to slow things down – her agendas were just too demanding and all this rushing was just far too inconvenient for me at this time. This is of course, my interpretation of how I recall my behaviour at the time. In actuality I am positive this depiction is highly inaccurate. I am sure Daniela has a much more detailed depiction (which will include a highly animated impression) of my actual behaviour at the time.
The anger lasted a while and I loped around like an ape for a half hour or so. Then the remorse kicked in. Then the embarrassment. Then optimism slowly started to find it’s way back, and the day turned itself around.
It’s all over now and everything is quiet and peaceful. Daniela is asleep. I apologized hours ago and at the time she just gazed back at me somewhat disinterested, smugly renouncing the apology’s value in a way only she can do. I take it as deserved and we both move on. She knows nothing of this post and it is not written to grovel or as a tool for affirmation – it is a mere analogy of the day and my critical awareness of it.